Employers are looking at your ass

I have hired several people to work at my little internet company and sure enough, I have checked out several asses. When you put out work resumes, make sure that you are not searchable on Myspace and if you are, for the love of god, put on some pants. Today I was treated to the BBW modeling photographs of a potential programming candidate. I have nothing against big, beautiful women but really, I did not need to see this woman's Rubenesque bottom devour a pair of lacy boyshorts whole. I certainly did not want to see her straining to cup her overflowing breasts in her sausage fingers as she made eyes at the camera either. Another woman emailed me saying that her computer broke and so she didn't have a resume handy (really impressive for a programmer) but that she did indeed have a Myspace page. Indeed she did and yet again, she was in her underwear, giving her camera phone her best come-hiter look. Is there no one around to appreciate her gym-toned abs? Does no one else care about her plastic mammaries? Why do I have to be subjected to this? I'm sure this woman has at least a few gym rats who ogle her in her pantied glory.

The moral of the story is that if you're naked on the internet, make sure that your potential employers don't know that. How seriously could I possibly take you in an interview if I've seen you in your panties. Panties is a silly word to begin with and an even sillier article of clothing. Just don't do it, lest you become the laughing stock of the office before you even work here.


Office conversation main room 12:12pm
Boss: Hey Pam, did you know that we got a big chocolate basket? Feel free to have some.
Me: Big chocolate basket...some of my favorite words there.
Eli: Big Chocolate Basket was my nickname in high school.
Me: (dissolving in fit of giggles)
Boss: Huh?
Eli: Nothing
Boss: (confused look)

Office conversation, at aforementioned chocolate basket 12:38
Eli: Chocolate cashews, wow.
Me: I totally want to try Intense Dark Citrus Sunset (holding up mini candy bar)
Eli: (laughs)
Me: What, you don't approve of INTENSE DARK CITRUS SUNSETS?
Eli:...that sounds like a douche.